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Have you ever won the "Blame Game"? Does it make you feel any better? Do you end up getting what you want, or more of what makes you happy? Continue on and find three steps that will help you reduce stress and increase your happiness--right now.

One way to start being happier is to understand what it is that's causing you to feel tense and angry in the first place. Start by listening to the things that you are saying to yourself. Most likely, every upsetting thought you have has to do with things that you "don't want" and is focused on who's "right" and who's "wrong".

We believe thinking like this: "They lie to me;" "They interrupt when I talk;" or "They wouldn't act like that if they really cared." is paying attention solely to the fact that the other people are simply WRONG:

Take a look at how these thoughts focus on the things a person won't want to have happen: They don't want people to lie, they don't want people to not care for them, and they don't want people to interrupt them. When you focus on the things you don't want, it can be very easy to fall in to the trap of the "Blame Game".

Why do people start with this "Right or Wrong Game" anyways? At a young age people learn to figure out the difference between naughty and nice, what's good and bad, and who's right or wrong. Adults played the game too and helped us learn, so that we could be able to understand what is and isn't appropriate behavior.

We are excellent at figuring out who is correct and who's not. We are also extremely good at identifying what we do not want. However, the difficulty is that we do not know how to figure out what we "do" want. We find it very difficult to articulate what is the most important.

Even worse, playing this game can become a burden--a major stressor that affects your sleep, your attitude, and ultimately, your ability to be happy. The "I'm Right, You're Wrong Game" is a recipe for creating cycles of discomfort, confusion and pain. In fact, if you find yourself feeling uncomfortable thinking about the same issue more than three times, you can almost bet this cycle has begun.

Think about it. Frustration and anger cause stress. Stress affects your mood. Your mood can create problems with how you interact with the world. Interaction difficulties can lead to more frustration and anger. If you find your thoughts returning to the same upsetting situation, and leave you feeling uncomfortable, tense and angry, you're a major-league player of the "Right/Wrong Game". Unless you learn to break free, you may find yourself getting sucked down into the quicksand of this cycle.

The good news is that there is a simple choice to made as to whether to continue playing the game or not. The Course in Miracles, sums up the choice in this way, "Do you want to be right, or do you want to be happy?"

How to Release Yourself

Instead of trying to be right all the time or focusing on what you don't want, learning to identify, quickly, what it is that you do want is a key ingredient. This idea is the secret to finding genuine happiness and breaking the never-ending cycle of anger and frustration.

It takes more than will power to be able to finally get out of playing the "Right/Wrong Game" and just wanting this unsettled feeling of being upset to stop, won't work either. So, it is of utmost importance to be able to distinguish the habitual cycle before it draws you in. This "right-wrong" thinking, which emphasizes what you don't want is a pattern that can be a eliminated with a little practice.

Follow these three easy steps to help you immediately create a new and more rewarding game.

Step One: Your Feelings Are Your Guidance System

We've previously covered why we tend to fixate on who's right and who's wrong thinking and the habit of assigning blame. How this tendency leads to more discomfort, which we're happy to say is a key component in your emotional alarm system. It warns telling you something that deeply matters to you is absent in the situation. This discomfort can guide you back to what you truly value and a much more happy life. Use these feelings as a reminder to focus on what's important.

Step Two: What Do You Want?

You can't stop focusing on what you don't want unless you focus on something else. So it's important to know what it is that you do want in a particular situation. For example, if you hear yourself thinking about what it is that you don't want--"I hate it when people lie to me!"--stop and think about why this is important to you. It probably has to do with trusting the other person. So in that situation, trust is what you do want.

Or, if you're feeling angry and frustrated and you hear yourself thinking, "If they really cared about me they wouldn't act like that!" then caring, belonging, and consideration are most likely the root of what is important to you. So your "do want" in this case is to experience people acting in ways that show they care about what's important to you when they make decisions that affect you.

You need to be able to identify what's most important to you before you can figure out how to get it.

Step Three: Take Charge!

Once you've identified what's important to you in the situation and what you do want, its time to make a plan. Focus on specific things that you can do or say in the situation that will create more of what you want. Avoid the trap of focusing on what you don't want. If you want trust, do something that will create trust. If you want caring, do something that will create caring.

Even the smallest action toward your new goal is better than sitting around being angry and frustrated. Once you're in action, you'll find that your tension and anger will begin to dissolve! Working toward the things that you really want will free you from the counterproductive cycle created by the "Right/Wrong Game". Taking these actions will have an immediate effect by starting you down the path towards less stress and greater happiness.