Various Articles

For a lot of people, the highway to individual change and self-improvement is a long and winding street filled with tricky barriers. Pharmaceutical companies in particular have capitalized on and created massive fortunes based on the elusive search for the "Magic Pill" that will answer all of your prayers. As it turns out, there is a secret formula for success, and it begins in the human mind.

One of the rules of NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) is that "there is a positive intention behind all behaviors." And based on that law, when it comes to getting rid of negative behaviors, there is a formula that we should always keep in mind. I'll let you in on the secret formula in a minute. But I have a riddle for you to solve first.

Riddle: A preacher made his son drink lye, which burned out the child's voice box. What was the positive intention behind his behavior?

If you are like most of the clients who have come into my office since 1978, you'll angrily say something like: "There isn't any." But you would be completely incorrect. To answer this riddle, you must detach the behavior from the positive intention of the behavior.

The minister's son was cursing. And the preacher believes that if a person curses, his soul will be condemned to Hell. So the answer is that the preacher was burning out his son's voice box so that he couldn't curse. By doing so, he was saving his son's soul from being destined to Hell.

The secret formula for success works as follows:

We should value the positive intention that motivates each behavior. If we have an urge to apply a behavior that we do not like, we can quickly get rid of the compulsion to use that behavior. What we must do is to find another behavior to substitute in its place. To be successful, the new action must be as available and efficient at accomplishing the same secondary gain, but be more consciously acceptable. We call this a REFRAME.

When clients come into my practice, one of the first things that I do is to take a thorough case history. Let's say that they come to me and ask me to help them overcome their appetite. Experience tells us that the two main reasons that people eat too much are: (1) to reduce stress; (2) because eating can be a conditioned response. For instance, if a person eats while they are talk on the phone, they will develop a conditioned response, and thereafter, every time they talk on the phone they will get an urge to eat.

However, the above answer only takes into consideration the possible positive intention behind the eating behavior. What if they also have another behavior that is concerned in the equation? For example: What if being fat is also a behavior for this person? I can hear your mind churning right now as you think, "Being heavy isn't a behavior, what are you talking about?"

Sorry but you could be absolutely incorrect. Here is one classic textbook example that will clearly demonstrate the fact that being heavy can be a behavior. It can be a behavior because it can accomplish positive outcomes.

Example: A woman falls in love. Her partner breaks up with her, and her heart is broken. Her unconscious wants to shield her emotionally and keep her from having her heart broken again. So it motivates her to get heavy to keep her out of relationships. Because if she isn't in a relationship she cannot get her heart broken again.

Everyone is totally different. And sometimes there are elements at work causing compulsive behaviors. These are elements that are different for each person.

Here's another instance: A woman comes into my practice complaining of an unmanageable urge to eat too much at mealtime. During the case history, the woman tells me about how she was never able to satisfy her father.

During an age regression, we learned that one of her earliest memories was of having dinner with her family. And her father was insisting in an authoritive voice that she eat everything on her plate, even though she was full. So she cleaned her plate because of fear, and her father commended her for eating all of the food. It was one of the only times in her life that she could recall her dad telling her that he was happy with her.

Jump forward to the present. Her father has been gone for years, but the subconscious program he programmed is still operational. She still has a powerful urge to eat all of the food on her plate, even if she is feeling full, because by cleaning the plate, in her subconscious she is getting dad's approval, and eliminating her fear!

So if you have a problem making personal changes, please remember that there is a positive intention behind all behaviors. And the secret formula for success is to alternate another behavior that will accomplish the same secondary gain, but in a way that is more consciously suitable to you, as an individual. The most efficient way to get your unconscious to assume the responsibility for making this kind of change for you is through an NLP 6-Step Reframe.